Secretary Paltrow issued a ■■■ DHS directive on surveillance this morning. "It's no longer sufficient to say something if you see something," she urged at a $32,000 per plate press conference. "There needs to be a subliminal chaining, if you will, of subversive activity to immediate interdiction. If someone feels suspicious, don't wait to engage your DDI (data distress implant). Make the call, wet your pants and seek cover. Don't hesitate - activate!"
The State's war on fire is now into its ■■■■■ year. The number of residential accidents caused by unapproved usage, arson and smoke inhalation have increased by ■■■% during this time, but fire czar DiCaprio is undeterred. "An adjustment period is to be expected," he offered, "especially when you're dealing with something as antiquated and racist as flames."
Per a 2017 EPA edict, the burning of Arbor-Americans in non-State-approved devices is a felony.
Per a 2017 EPA edict, the burning of Arbor-Americans in non-State-approved devices is a felony.
DHS is slowly swinging the Second Battle of Breed's Hill in their favor. Approximately 1,400 rebels carrying very black rifles and copies of the C■■■■■■■■■■■ had been surrounded by Harbinger drones since Thursday. Indiscriminate shelling from the L.C.S. Biden stationed in Boston Harbor completely ■■■■■■■■■ the surrounding neighborhood, however, and separatists engaged in a coordinated strategic withdrawal to a location yet to be determined.
General Z, appointed Grand Military Commander for his process and implementation prowess, is reportedly in pursuit and inflicting heavy casualties.
With the President's third coronation now complete, he's promised to return his full focus to Frankencure. "It would be a little hyperbolic to say that this is the ultimate achievement of my reign," the commander-in-chief stated at a New Francisco fundraiser. "We have lots of irons in the fire. I mean, figuratively, of course, being fire is illegal. But this is a basic human right, and we're all basically human."
Fourth quarter GDP rose an impressive .■%, mostly on the backs of the robust state-run reproduction, prison and euthanasia industries.
Maximum wage opponents protested the latest Department of Labor mandate before disappearing for hours of ■■■■■■■ and questioning earlier today.
The Federal Reserve's order to audit the legislative branch was levied onto the super-duper-Congress last week.
Citizens still in possession of gold, silver and other actual stores of ■■■■■■ are required to surrender them to your local Federal Reserve branch immediately. Our cr-forefathers have set the precedent for the need and efficacy of this program!
Unseasonably cool temperatures in the Southwest. High pressure system moving down from the Great Lake region into the Southeast; residents are advised to shelter in place in the event of precipitation. Wintry mix persists in the upper Midwest. Lengthened tornado season on the island of Michigan and throughout the Oregon River valley.
The People's Republic of Boulder jumped to a strong lead over Montpelier this week, tallying a surprising 34 Christians to the latter's 18. Their season-long see-saw has been impressive to watch, and it's still too early to discount the fortunes of clubs like Austin, Madison and Seattle-in-the-sea.
Divers exploring the remains of Citi Field reportedly went missing on Sunday. Team owner and general manager Jeff Wilpon has called it "another devastating loss for the entire Brooklyn Dodgers family".
Unnamed citizen caught smuggling copies of the C■■■■■■■■■■■ onto school grounds in his neck. Reprimanded to re-education facility and 12 years hard ■■■■■.
Unnamed citizen spotted with illegal article of faith and Free Speech violation ("■■■" tattoo on forehead). Reprimanded to re-education facility.
